Why hospitality?
I was very desperate. And lonely. Been there?
I moved across the country and was living in an apartment with my two toddlers and husband while we waited for our house to be built a few blocks away. It was one of 43 homes on a new street placed in an old neighborhood. A Black neighborhood actually, which is exactly why we chose it. It was an answer to prayer to a 20 something year old Black woman who had never lived in a Black neighborhood and desperately wanted to throw herself into something different, something that may have felt unfamiliar but was a part of her. Prior to the move, in an intense counseling session, I remember so clearly hearing the call to “Look for Me” the Me being God, in Black community. Not myself. Because if I sought myself, I’d be very disappointed. What I was looking for was ultimately wrapped up in God, and being the all knowing and most wise One, God knew it and graciously said three words that would keep me from a grave mistake. “Look for Me.”
Back story.
I am a Black American woman (heyyy!) and raised in Illinois in a predominantly white community. This profoundly shaped my life. In high school, I participated in what was called “Intense Discipleship Training (IDT)”, which was basically an intense VBS for high schoolers that spanned 6 weeks. The summer before my junior year, I chose the Justice track in which my eyes were opened to the tragedy of human trafficking and an organization called International Justice Mission (IJM). The focus was primarily on sexual slavery globally, not US specific, and while we were discussing issues of justice and the horrors many people faced, I was most awakened to the abundant diversity of people around the globe. I valued other cultures and people groups before this experience, but that summer transformed something I valued into something I was intensely passionate about. I didn’t want to only get to know people and cultures that differed from my own, but I believed that through them, I’d meet God. I had this deep sense that when I spent time with people of an ethnic background and culture different from my own, I was getting to know my Creator - our Creator - in a new way. I was learning about Him in ways I never could if I only stayed within my own bubble. I wanted to know God more intimately. I wanted to see Him through the lives and cultures of people across the globe. I didn’t know how it would happen, I just knew I desperately desired it. I wanted it badly then at age 16. And I still do today.
So when the Lord told me to look for Him within Black community and culture, I understood what He meant. I knew He was inviting me to meet Him in a new way. If I made this new opportunity about filling a void I felt in my own life or attempt to satiate my own insecurities as a Black woman who mostly grew up in a white world, then I would ultimately end up seeking to serve myself through finding my identity and hope in being Black and being distracted through idolization, instead of freed to walk out the goodness and dignity of being a Black woman because God my, our, Creator, crafted me in His image as a Black woman and called me good. He was inviting me to see and know this culture of which I am connected to, as He Himself planned, and in it He wanted me to see with eyes that were steadied on Him. No culture is perfect. One day we will all be redeemed. But in the already-not-yet there is still beauty that points to Hope in every culture and people group. That is what I’m searching for. The beauty that points to Hope.
Let’s put a pin there.* Now back to the beginning of this story.
I was desperate and lonely and unaware that this anguish wasn’t going to be relieved for another few years. I had heard of the “dark night of the soul” before, and now, I was living it. And for those who have been there before, you know that is one of those things you don’t want to go back to, yet you’re forever grateful for as the intimacy gained with Jesus in that time is something I would never want to give away. But oh, did it hurt.
One bit of relief was studying interior design. The house we built was a model home that was mostly planned out for us but we could make a few selections. I started researching interior design and went mad. I was obsessively reading through blog articles, YouTube videos, Instagram, library books, podcasts, the list goes on. I did everything I could to learn everything I could about this new-to-me craft. I loved it. This was a small gift in the midst of a hard season.
Have you ever met someone and even spent a good bit of time with them, but then you meet them again and you find yourself looking at them differently? Like for the first time you’re really seeing them and start to notice things you hadn’t before?
That’s what it was like hearing interior designers, DIYers and others in the “home” industry talk about hospitality. My husband and I highly value showing hospitality. I was no stranger to it. But it wasn’t until I started hearing people refer to it as “entertainment” that I became very bothered. Annoyingly bothered actually, sometimes I’d ask myself, “why are you this angsty about people using hospitality and entertainment synonymously?” But I was. Because words matter and I knew that hospitality could not, would not, be entertainment. That was never the point of hospitality and once you equated it to entertainment you took away the gift of it. So I put my stake in the ground, I found my hill to die on, I was going to set the record straight. Hospitality is not about entertainment. It is about relationships. I think I “knew” that before, but now, I really knew. I was seeing hospitality again, but this time my view was much clearer. I was truly seeing it.
The other gift I had during my hard time - The Bible. I searched the Word and found great comfort. And the more I searched the Word and studied interior design, I couldn’t help but start making connections. I was learning more about spiritual disciplines and spiritual formation in general, and I began connecting basic principles of Interior Design with some of the spiritual disciplines that inform my discipleship. Now, I was onto something. Perhaps only a few people would connect on this very niche thing, but I couldn’t let it go so onward I went.
I’ve had an Etsy shop where I sold home decor goods with a Guide that shared lessons on hospitality, pulling in scripture and story. I completed house project after house project in all of our homes, from Portland to Ohio then back to Portland and onto Atlanta where we live now. (Yes we move a lot.) We’ve since added two more children to the mix and still I find myself tethered to this idea of hospitality, welcome, belonging and relationship. So much so, that we purchased a 10 acre lot outside of Atlanta all with the vision of it to be a place of beauty, hope, rest and play for people all around the world to deepen their connection to God, themselves and others. And while the vision is grand, the mission is a bit more simple, to be a beautiful and hospitable place that fosters belonging and connection with God, self and others. Ultinately we want to be a place. A place for God to dwell, a place for us, a place for you and any other person who seeks a place to belong. I obsess over the details of everything from our house to our land and take great delight when even just one person comes to fish in our pond and enjoy this space we have. It is a mystery to me why this idea, this passion for hospitality and reclaiming what is truly meant to be, grips me so tightly. But here I am. With a whole website to talk about it.
So welcome. Truly, welcome. I hope that this can be a place that serves you in some way. I am no expert. I fail so often. But I truly do believe that God uses hospitality to do His work. There is power in hospitality. There’s an invitation for all of us within it. My prayer is that we all accept that invitation and see just what the Lord may do.
May our hospitality reflect the hospitable heart of God.
Until next time,
Alexa
*There’s much to be said on this topic. I’ve written about it in some past articles. And I’ll share more in the future, but of course, if there are specific questions, feel free to contact me here.
